I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
