when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
