mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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