she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
