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Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
