yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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