All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize