i already hear my dad disowning me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
