Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
