yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
