You just made me feel so damn special
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
