im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
