What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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