and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
