Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
