Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
