We're facebook friends in real life
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize