That's when you crack a 10am beer
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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