Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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