Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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