Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
