It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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