proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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