Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
