nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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