I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
