Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
