I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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