it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
