i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
