he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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