I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
