my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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