His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize