dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
