I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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