So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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