I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
