He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
