I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
