The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
