i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
