mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize