Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
