He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
