I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
