Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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