I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
