totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
should my penis look like a turkey
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
