i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
