she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
