thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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