I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize