i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
