I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just high enough for therapy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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