oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
