Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
