Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
