I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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