I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
