she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
