Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
