talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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