I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
