Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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