remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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