Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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